Domestic Violence

Living in the world, full of stresses, in the world, which is constantly speeding up and requires a more intense style of life of people, is a very challenging thing. It is challenging in so many ways, and one of the aspects, but, definitely, one of the most important aspects, is the fact, that all people work more and more, to earn their living, however they have less and less time for living itself. Under these circumstances people do not manage to cope with everyday stresses, on the contrary, they are being left alone with those stresses, which with the time turn into chronical depressions and in other psychological and, very frequently, into psycho-medical issues. However, everybody is trying not to show the signs of those problems, not to take them out of home. Pretending, that they are doing well, people do not have natural outlet for the negative emotions, they have. And it is their homes, where they allow themselves to let go of the emotions, - they simply have got no other choice. And once being let out, the emotions take very ugly shapes, shapes, not expected by the members of the family. This is where the roots of domestic violence often hide. Of course, it is impossible to neglect the cases, when domestic violence is caused by different other reasons, such as alcoholism or psychiatric diseases of various sorts, but we more and more often run into the cases, which are merely caused by emotional problems of people, living under severe stress and in such a manner trying to let go of their problem’s. One of the brightest examples of such a case is presented to us in the case, discussed by this paper. John simply cannot stand the everyday stress of life and he becomes a person, who surprises and frightens the members of his family, he does things, which are absolutely not typical for him, he, a person, who has always been very kind and attentive to his wife and children, starts shouting and then raising hands on his wife.  He starts heavily drinking and produces violent acts in the presence of his children, despite everything. What could have caused it and what consequences may it him both for him and his family? These are the matters, which will be more closely looked at in this paper.

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First of all, however, it is important to understand what domestic violence is. Domestic violence or intimate partner violence (IPV) is not merely limited to the manifestations of physical violence. Cases of domestic violence also include emotional abuse, control over a person, which sometimes may include imprisonment, passive abuse, such as neglecting the person, deprivation in economic sphere (Siemieniuk, R. A. C.; Krentz, H. B.; Gish, J. A.; Gill, M. J., 763 - 770). In accordance with Markowitz (293) heavy alcohol consumption can go along with domestic violence as a tendency, while Dutton (170) also reminds us of cases of psychiatric disorders, mingled with domestic violence. It is important to know, that while domestic violence is legally unacceptable in the developed countries, it may be different in the third-world countries. Moreover, some countries have got laws, which allow violence. In many developing countries women themselves believe it to be quite normal for the husband to physically punish his wife.

However it is important to discuss the situation with Anne and John. It is necessary to understand what reasons contributed into the situation, and what possible consequences may come as results of the situation.

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First of all we need to remember, that the whole trouble started when the family moved to the place of living, belonging to Anne's mother. And here is what had changed in their lives since then. First of all, Anne started spending much more time with her mother, in some way neglecting her duties and not giving enough care and emotional support to her wife. It is understood, that it was not a move, made on purpose. She definitely did not mean it, however the result is the same. Now, John felt himself neglected, disregarded by his wife. Not all of his needs are met by the family any more, and this also includes his sexual needs. Not heaving proper sexual relations with Anne, who is busy with her providing proper care to her mother, John anon the one hand becomes more aggressive (which is partially influenced by purely biological reasons), and secondly starts suspecting her of having sexual relations on the side. However, he is too polite to express such thoughts aloud at first. He keeps his suspicions within himself and they do not make positive influence upon his relations with his family. John gets more and more angry every day, however he cannot afford discussing the problem with his wife, since she is too busy with very serious everyday problems, besides, John, probably, believes that such suspicions may insult his wife, and, being delicate at first keeps him from speaking out. There is one more psychological issue related to the whole situation: John does not feel himself in charge of the situation any more. He feels himself not a head of the family, but rather a person, who is dependent on his wife in all respects: he lives in the apartment of her mother, he is not earning money due to his back injury, all these factors make him very much upset and he starts drinking alchohole. And alcohol helps him release his emotions, which he was trying to keep within him. But it is due to alcohol that he is not in control any more. He hits Anne for the first time and then feels very sorry for that, but the second and the third cases of violence, contribute into such behavior becoming an everyday routine. John feels no guilt for such behavior any more and it becomes normal for him.

Meanwhile Anne feels horrible guilt for the situation she drew ger family into. Feeling guilty, she subconsciously starts playing a victim. She in certain ways provokes John's aggressiveness. Things get even worth. Anne starts suffering very substantially and this may result in her having not only psychological, but even very serious medical problems. And here we are not talking about the results of physical violence, According to Berrios & Grady (133), chronical diseases, which are typical for the victims of domestic violence includ, but are not limited to such severe states as arthritis, ulcers, pelvic pain,  chronic pain, irritable bowel syndrome, and migraines. Any of them can become the case for Anne.

It is also very important to understand, that such situation cannot fail to have serious impact on the children of the family. According to Dodd, many of recent researches have shown, that children, who have witnessed domestic violence in their family during their upbringing, experience serious problem in developmental and psychological spheres. According to Lazzenbatt (368), the experienced domestic violence often has got impact on various spheres of the child's development, including behavioral, social, and psychological and others. Lehman (ND) wrote, that in many cases children, who witnessed physical abuse against their mother often develop post-traumatic disorder and some other psychological disorders.

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The picture appears to be very serious and frightening. The outcomes may turn out to be quite undesirable, and therefore it is highly recommended, that the family should address a specialist for qualified help. The situation has gone so far, that it is very unlikely, that the members of the family may be capable of resolving the situation by themselves. However, their free will and desire are required and absolutely necessary for the successful resolution of the problem. Competent help is especially important for the children. Their psychological state is very severe due to the processes, going on in the family. And this influences their forming characters and may leave deep trace for the rest of their lives.

Such situations, as described in this scenario, are not very rare in contemporary world. And it is critically important that people, involved in such situations, should take timely measures for resolving them, otherwise they may have very unfortunate and serious outcomes. Meanwhile, a timely discussion of the problems within the family may have a very serious preventive effect on the situation. The members of the family may find a solution for the situation, in case; they start this discussion while they both are still capable of listening to each other. But even if the situation has already gone too far at least one of the family members needs to realize the situation and find the power and will to address a specialist for help, and the sooner it is done, the better, the less consequences the situation may end up having in the long run.

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